Mother's Day 5 days old

Baby girl you are 5 days old today. Last night was your 1st "bad night" you have been such a good sleeper. Only waking up once or twice in the middle of the night to eat then going back to sleep. Last night you were up from 10:30pm to about 4am. You cried if we did not hold you. It is so sweet seeing your little eyes. You are trying to hold your little head up and look around the room. You have been opening your eyes more lately. I love looking into your little eyes. I wish I could just bottle up this time and keep it forever. I love you so much, I can not even express the instant bond I felt with you the moment I woke up from the anesthesia, before I even seen you. I needed you. I worried so much while you were inside that something bad could happen. Even if something would have happened to you I would have still always loved you, but I can't describe it. It is that warm, fuzzy, happy, consumes your whole body feeling. I need you. I need to look at you and hold you.

I have started to feel sadness about not seeing your birth. I wish I could have seen you when you took your 1st breath. I cried in the shower tonight thinking about it. The triplets, I did not see them born either but at least your daddy did. They were so tiny and needed so much help medically it was different. When I 1st seen you I was okay with not seeing your birth and now I just feel sadness. I hated that your daddy missed it to. You were in the operating room with them for 20 minutes before they brought you out to your daddy. You were born at 11:37am and your daddy took a picture of them wheeling you from the operating room at 11:57. I am trying not to dwell on this, but it still makes tears fall. I am so very happy you are healthy and I am incredibly blessed to have you here.

Your daddy is holding you on the couch right now. It is after midnight now. I just finished feeding you a bottle....by the way you are starting to breast feed better with a nipple shield, but you get so comfy you fall asleep and when I try to move you and then you start screaming and rooting around like you want to eat again then you latch, suck, move your head again and scream some more...then I give up, pump and give you a bottle of breast milk. You are sleeping on you daddy with your little mouth open. I love you so much and look forward to watching you grow every day. I do miss you being in my tummy. I got to hold you all the time and you were always with me. I wish I never had to put you down.

Love, Mommy