Welcome to existance little poppy seed

I found out about you on Sunday September 4, 2011. I was actually really suprised! This will make you gag when you are older, but I knew there was "exposure" during the danger time..i.e. ovulation time. You dad and I wanted you, but really didn't think it would happen nor are we really prepared to have you with everything else going on which I will elaberate about soon. Anyway, like I said I have always had a "feeling" when I was pregnant in the past. I just knew I was before I even took the test. This time I was do for my cycle to start on a Saturaday. Thursday there was some light spotting and I thought it was the start of the monster. Then it stopped. This was not the 1st time this has happened so I thought nothing of it. Saturday I came to work prepared I went and once again some spotting and then I was for sure I was starting my cycle. By the end of my 12 hour work day, nothing! I was cramping and hungry and all out feeling as if I was gong to start. Sunday morning I woke up, peed in a cup and used a $1 Dollar Tree test that has been in the cabinet for probably 8 months or more. I took a shower while I waited for the results. This was also the 1st kind of test I took when I found out I was pregnant with you brothers....it looked negative, I threw it away and pulled it from the trash a few days later after I more expensive test proved posative and sure enough uppon closer examination that test was too posative.

So I look at the test I peed on for you. The very very faintest of lines to show a posative result was showing. I was actually unsure if there was a line or not. I thew the test in the box and hide it back under the bathroom sink cabinet and left for work. Thought out the day I made your dad go back and check the test just to see if the line was more prominet of not. I was very anxious all day. Couldn't wait to get off work to buy a expensive test to see what it said. I like the digital test that say yes or no. With your sister I took 11 test...or was it 13.....with your brothers it was atleast 6. This time I bought a 2 pack of Clear Blue Easy tests. I had to pee so bad when I got home. Ran to the bathroom box in hand with your brother and sister following behind screaming 'MOMMY!" I did not have time to read the directions so before I could pull the test out, I was going to pee myself, so I grab the cup I peed in earlier that morning and pee in it again....I know you really wanted to know. Dipped the pee stick in the urine and waited.....waited.....waited....and was seemed like forever an entire 3 minutes...the digital result popped up YES+! I made your dad go with me to the bathroom for the results. He looked at it trying to hold a strait face. I love watching him trying to hold back his happiness...I don't know why, but he does it all the time. He smiles and repeatedly tries to cover up the fact that he is smiling. ha ha

You are apprently the size of that tiny poopy seed next to the quarter!

This is what I have learned about your developement this week. 4 weeks: Baby is the size of a poppy seedYour baby -- now officially an embryo.  From now until 10 weeks, all of your baby's organs will begin to develop and some will even begin to function.

Let me tell you a little about our family and what you will be getting into.....thanks for choosing us to be your parents. I hope we do the best job we can do to mold you into a great person.

Your sister Ava. She was born June 6, 2007 at 39 weeks. Mommy planned her...."daddy's life was over" when he found out about her. He was scared the entire uneventful pregnancy with her. She was induced because I could not wait for her to get here. She was born after 12 hours of laber. I was so scared. All I could think about when she came out was "Oh crap, I have to take care of it." She was funny looking when she was born, face all squished and cone head. Being a new mom I was scared, after a few weeks I decided I could not live without her. She is 4 now. She knows about you. I told her it was a secret. She is so excited. She tells me you are going to be her little sister....I guess only time will tell.

I told you she was funny looking!

Ava now

When your sister was 8 months old we were moving into our 1st home. I was pregnant. I was very early pregnant, like I am with you right now. That little poppy seed did not stay. Mommy lost that pregnancy when we were moving into our house in Febuary 2008.

Almost a year to the month of my miscarriage, mommy found out she was pregnant again. About 6 1/2 weeks I went to the doctor due to lots of cramping. I thought I was having another miscarriage. They stuck the ultrasound wand in and seen a perfect little baby with a perfect heart beat. You dad tells the lady to find another one that he wants twins. I laugh and say there is no way there is twins in there. I do not know anyone in my family with twins. Sure enough she turns the wand and finds a 2nd baby!. We get the congrats! TWINS! I am freaking out. We leave shocked!. I go again at 8 weeks and hear congrats twins! At 9 weeks I had an ultrasound at work...just for fun. He found a 3RD BABY! Yes Triplets! This pregnancy was a total accident by the way....to make long story short, that I am sure you will know by the time you are even able to read what I am writing. 2 of your brothers developed twin to twin transfusion. They were identical twins. Then your other brother Andrew was fraternal. That means mommy released 2 eggs and 1  split to make 2 babies from 1 egg. They were born very early at 28 weeks. They were born July 18, 2009

Baby A. Logan. We delivered the triplets to try and save him. He was dying inside and we thought they would all have the best chance of life on the outside. 28 week babies had a 90% survival rate at that time. He lived for 6 months and 12 days. He died from respiratory failure on January 30, 2010. I miss him every day, every breath I take.

This picture was taken in December 2009

Baby B. Jacob. He did very well in the hospital. 3 days before he left the hospital we found out he had massive brain damage. We don't know how the damage occured, but it is pointless to dwell on that now....he has spastic quadriplegic cerebral palsy. He is 2 now. He is still very infant like. He no longer eats by mouth. He is fed though a g-tube in his stomach. He holds his head up, but has little control of his body, arms, or legs. He can not sit, stand, walk, etc.

This was taken the day he got his wheel chair. August 31, 2011

Baby C. Andrew. He is big boy now. He learned how to walk at 20 months old. He is talking, saying 2 word sentences, and being a monster. That is his name....MONSTER. He is so sweet and loving. He loves everyone. One day I'm sure he will be torchering you to. He has 2 modes. Sleeping and Mischif making.

He hardly stays still to get a good picture.

Daddy. He is a police officer at Groveland Police Department. He was worked there over 5 years. His department is very good to our family. They are always here for our family in time of need. Daddy was aiming for quadruplets....he may be disappointed at 1st if there is only ONE poppy seed instead of 3 or 4....I suspect there is only 1, but once again only time will tell. Daddy is crazy...you will soon learn this too. I can't even explain this crazyiness, you will just have to trust me on this.

Mommy. I am nervous and scared about how I will take care of you and your 2 brothers and sister. It would not be so hard if Jacob was not disabled. You are a secret for now. You daddy and I have a bet that I can not keep you a secret. He says if I keep you a secret he will rub my feet every night without complaining for 2 years. ha ha ha! He does not know this already, but I already cheated. I could not keep you to myself. I needed someone to talk to. 1st I told Ava...and you dad ofcourse. Then yesterday I told my friend Jill. I trust her to keep our little secret. Then later that evening I told my friend Tanya. She thinks we are crazy and she said she can not hang out with me anymore....she says this in only the most loving way.

I have not received very good feedback from anyone about having another child after the triplets were born. They actually asked me 3 times before the c-section if I wanted my tubes tied. Even when I knew I was going to have 4 childen 2 years and under while I was still pregnant with the triplets, I longed for more. I think any mom just wants that perfect pregnancy...Ava's birth was normal, but I was so scared, the triplets' birth was very stressful and there we so many unknown, ups, downs, etc. I felt like I was robbed of my pregnancy at 28 weeks. I honestly wanted to get pregnant again as soon as I could after they were born....it took a lot of common since thinking to make me NOT do this. I had an IUD placed September 2009. I had it taken out in January 2011. When all out family, my co-workers, and friends found out about the IUD removal, I got all the typical negative comments.."you can't handle another baby with Jacob", "what if you have multiples again?", "How will you afford it?", "Your crazy!", "why would you want more...3 is enough."...the list goes on. 1st off you will be our 5th child born alive. It is hard for me to include or not include Logan. I don't know what to say...but at the same time I hate when he is not counted as one of my children or when your brothers are called twins.

So here is the game plan. Mommy is a big girl. No one could tell hardly at all that I was pregnant with Ava. The triplets made me huge! I am nervous because I am 20 pounds fatter now than I was when I had your sister and brothers. We will be working on eating healthy before and after you are born. You must know I am very paranoid about you or your siblings being fat like me or your dad. Okay, back on track....you are a secret. Outside of my close friends NO ONE IS GOING TO KNOW as long as possible. My goal is to atleast make it until 24 weeks without anyone in our family knowing. I can't handle the grief from them about it right now. I want you! You dad wants FOUR for you!!!! (I told you he is crazy right?) So, we are taking it day by day to keep you and me healthy. Ha ha my goal in may will be "Hey, where did that kid come from?" Your Aunt Fiki says she will not watch you every other weekend if I get pregnant before the babies are 5...so we are working on a plan for that. Maybe mommy will stop working? I love you already